I went to the doctors and they told me I was pregnant I started crying. I was told I would never have a baby, Duane was born on August 15th 1982 at 12:45pm a handsome little baby boy and he's mine! As the years began it was just the two of us until he was 4 years old and then I married, Duane and we went everywhere together. When he began school it was hard for me to let go. I knew he had to go to school, Then as years passed he loved playing football, Basketball. His Favorite was surfing and fishing night and day. Then he became an adult and that was even harder to let him go and do his own thing. He moved on for a short time, then I got a call Mommy I want to come home, so of course I moved him right back in. Duane was my best friend not just my son. We moved to Missouri and met the most wonderful man in the world, Mabin J Cook, He became the father Duane never had, and taught Duane and I someone can really love the both of us. As Duane grew close to him, then the night May 18th 2007 My Duane worked with me at Brodie's cafe as a dishwasher. He was so excited about the extra money he was making, Suppose to of went on a date and his date backed out, He really wanted to go see Spiderman 3 so I spoke with Duane and told him to wait and Joe and I would take him the next day. He says no Mommy I want to go, So what are you suppose to say to a grown man? Son I don't feel right about you walking, AW mom I am old enough! I know son but I have a bad feeling then Duane says ok I'll have grandma take me, and then I will walk home. I told Duane give us a call and we will come get you, but mom you know I like to walk. Duane gave me a kiss and told me he loved me, Then I went back to work, On edge I had this worry in me and had no idea why, Joe came picked me up from work and I told him how I felt, He said baby he will be alright look he walks to Langan and he's fine. So we go home and I wrote in my journal as I wrote 5/17/07 thank you for the blessings on my family, thank you for everything in my life, I am happy and content with my son, Take care of my son. My father above you have the strength to do anything, AMEN then I read my Bible lay next to Joe gave him a hug and a kiss, he felt something was bothering me. Joe said you need to go to sleep you have to work at 5 in the morning. Well I finally fell asleep and 2 or 3 hours later we got a call that Duane was killed. I didn't want to believe it. So the State Trooper came with Duane’s ID and papers Duane had on him. I fell to the ground Joe had to pick me up. Then we went o Clark's funeral to ID the body. I wanted to see my son when we got there; they refused because he was too messed up. I fought and fought them to go back and see him Joe had to control me. I still didn't believe it was my Duane, So they brought me his wallet out and jewelry and then I was sick to my stomach here I am holding the matching earrings we had, I still wanted to go back and see him they explained to me it would be worse on me to see him that way. They explained to me he was walking and this person Robert Zoppilet was driving off the shoulder hit my son full force and dragged him 86 feet and 2 inches then left him there to die, I said what they said Tina we caught him in Pineville, Then Joe and I had to make arrangements for the funeral it was so hard I let Joe do most of it I could not. I was sick to my stomach a lot. Went straight to the Doctors and he gave me something for my nerves and depression. Duane's death took a big toll on me and Joe we split for a while and then I seen him and started bawling I really loved you, so we talked and got our lives back together. With Out Joe and Enola pulling me through I really don't think I would have made it. Then MADD really helped out. The best was Kerry Freeman just talking with her helped I knew I need to move on I just didn't want to I kept my self in tears every single minute, Finally one day I stopped and realized hay you don't need these pills to move on you need to get closer to the Lord and your Bible. So I weaned myself off all the medications, Now I see things and life differently, Here Is a little something I think everyone who has lost a love one needs to read.
Snowflakes continue to spiral down ward from the sky searching for a place to settle and stick. They seem harmless enough, but I know there will soon be heaping pile of frozen fluff lying on my doorstep that threatens my activities for hours, and perhaps even days.
These flittering flakes remind me of the periods of sorrow that I encountered after my son's death a bittersweet memory of the past, A sharp reminder of my loneliness or perhaps Ill-chosen words from a friend. They were all harmless by themselves, No one had warned me of the devastating effects and how to deal with them. After the loss of a loved one sometimes we are not aware of the Grief spasms because they have a way of sneaking up on us at the most unexpected times, They can cause sorrow to build up until we think we will collapse, Honesty is the best policy when it comes to Grief. During the season of Grief, almost anything can trigger our pain. People often say things without realizing what they are doing as I moved on I got closer with God and the Grief seemed to get at ease. We are missing one essential element Hope. Hope that things will get better, Hope that there are brighter days ahead. One way to build my confidence is God and remembering the past he has brought me through.
From Mabin Cook Jr:
We are touched by angels..Walk where angels tread,They will guard and guide us.through the days ahead.In times of sorrrow,As in the days of joy.They bring us hope and comfort nothing can destroy,In the house of darkness have flown.They bring us peace and healing.We are not alone.Through times of doubting still they understand.We are touched by angels walking hand in hand........When the soft voices die you never lose the memories eye.The odors or the sweetness of his senses as they quicken.Roses are left on the grave as they heaped the beloved's bed.And so my thoughts...When you are gone my love still slumber's on.......Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.Hold on to what you believe, even if it is a tree while stands by itself, Hold on to what must do, even if it is a long way from here.Hold on to life, even when it's easier letting go.Hold on to my hand,even if I have gone away from you.So don't be so blue.....For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven;A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to breakdown, and a time to build up; A time to mourn; And a to,be to dance A time to seek and a time to lose...They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,Love and desire and hate:I think they have no portion in us after we pass the gate.They are long,the days of wine and roses;Out of a misty dream our path emerges for a while, then closes with in my dream..Death leaves heartache no one can heal-love leaves memories no one can steal..Peace and prosperity-May the flower of love never ne nipped by frost of disappointment nor shadow of grief among my family so deep...As I try to sleep....and not weep....WE LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH MOMMY,JOE SUMMER MARIE AND ENOLA.....
IN LOVEING MEMORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY DUANE WILLIAM HEASTY